Maybe I got used to going home early or obeying the rules set in my home but sometimes you know you just wish you can have a day out or a sleepover at someone's place for a day..
Mostly I'm home rather than out till late night with my friends. At first, it was hard for me to not feel left out because I am always the one that needs to be home on time. Until now, 19 and I am still worried to be home late, worried that I'll be punished for coming back late. After a few more times I just got use to it somehow. People go clubbing, partying or just having a drink with people is still much more fun than being me sitting in front of my computer to type about all these stuff. I used to have a terrible time dealing with this life but now it doesn't really bothers me anymore.
To just have the problem solved most of the time, I will just leave out the chances of going out because of the trouble I bring to people around me. I am a really troublesome girl, I got my license but I can never drive around alone until these days I am still not allow to do so. I remember that when my brother is 19 he's allow to go anywhere with his car but now I'm all a different case because I am a girl ( the best reason to keep you from going out ).
Sometimes being alone which people is having fun isn't that bad at all and being alone doesn't mean I am lonely, look at the bright side - I will never have to be worry about my transport, my mom yelling at me and my own safety. Just chilling in your own bed & watching your favourite YouTube videos is just cool enough for me. Rejecting outings because you don't want to bring any trouble to anyone I guess it take practices. I just wanted him to have more fun so that I won't need to interrupt him which he's having fun and turning him off like - I need to go.
It really breaks my heart sometimes when I come to think of this ; Every time I head out and wanted to have some fun I will always always always end up needing people to leave early. I know it doesn't feel good to just having people to cut off your happy mood like in a snap & this is why it's better to stay home than giving people troubles that they wouldn't have at the first place.
I know they are just trying to make me feel better by inviting me to here and there but I still bet that he will not have as much as when I am not there. Some things are better to left unsaid. I've got nice friends who's willing to sacrifice their time to send me home but how would you feel if you're in my position? Having someone to leave the party because you wanted to go home and now I always end up being alone during night because nobody's going to be free to entertain me and even my bf will be busy throughout the night.
I deal with this almost every single day and I am already immune to it. To have no left out feeling because I know even if I do it's not going to change a single thing. It's my last teen year and I am still living on a curfew.
End up, the nights you used to spend time with the person is no longer available and you got no one to talk to anymore, so you'll be here - in my position, blogging my own feelings. The things that I wanted to tell someone to who's long gone by now.
This is life isn't it? If you're not able to be part of it then you're out.
