My family.

I created the problem and now I brought pain to every member of my family. I started everything and now I'm so lost that I don't know where should I be. I was born & raise in a warm family. I never thought I would bring out this today and just hurts everyone without caring about other people's feeling. It's all my fault. This is really tearing everyone apart. I would never ever want to do that again. I lost my temper. I made it into arguments. My parents never ever thought of leaving me alone, they always love me unconditionally. No one could ever replace them in my life. Now I brought them down, I made my mom tears. She stands in front of us telling how much pain is it and she told us her life is meaningless. Repeating the same routine everyday. I never wanted my mom to get upset and that's why I always respect her. I'm just so sorry mommy. I couldn't help out.

I know it's a mistake but I just want you to know that even though sometimes you got mad at me I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I just want to tell you no matter how bad is the situation I'll be there for you. My dad is working overseas, I guess my mom do miss him a lot. I miss him to. I think of him just every night before I sleep. I talk about my dad in school to my friends. And now I thought back, I'm always missing my dad. Not even a second will be missed. Although I always hope to bond the ' daddy&daughther' love like how my cousin & their dad do, I get jealous. I always hope my dad will come up to me and speak to me. Every chance I got in exam I wrote about my dad. Whenever there's a title or just anything I'll write about my dad. I never had a chance or guts to talk about my life with my dad. Sometimes, I really wonder am I even making him tired. He work because of me, he wants me to have the best. So now he has to leave us and work really far. I really felt that I was an accident and I shouldnt be here on earth. My mom gave birth to me when she's already 43. People might say my mom is old but do you ever know that she's the best mother on earth. She's already 60. And she never have some time to rest. I never wanted to go study so far because I know it's gonna be really tired for my mom. I have big age gaps between my brothers. I don't know what to talk or who to talk because we just have a different thinking. I always thought my dad is the same as others. They talk with their children and they spent time doing things together. I never have that experience. No. I always heard my friends say how great is their dad. They fix problems together, they taught them, the chit chat. I just never have a chance.

I always place my family first. But I just don't know why and how to protect my family. My mom is really struggling. She becomes skinnier and skinnier day by day and this really break my heart. I can't stop school, I can't go to school by myself, I can't protect her while she's in her worse position. I felt so useless. My mom has to take care of my grandmother and nobody can just lend a helping hand. I just don't know why, there's not only her. She got sisters and brother. When her sister, they don't have to do a thing. And why so unfair to my mom? Why? Couldn't just have a little bit of appreciation ? You've never been her. You don't know how much stress it is to support the family. No, you'll never know. My grandma, we loves you, but sometimes you shouldnt always tell my mom what to do what not to do. She treats you like a queen but yet you're still not satisfy. I have no right to say anything but do you know how hard it is to take care everyone in the family? Grand, you'll never know. Don't make life difficult for my mom. You should realize how lucky you are.

If I am just a bit older.
I could just help out. I'll buy breakfast, I'll buy lunch. I'll do anything to help my mom.

Mommy, I just want you to know that you'll always have us. You'll always be in my heart.